The Story

My husband died of an unexpected heart attack the day after Christmas, 2006. We have a two-year old daughter. We were married for 9 years and I'm not sure what to do with my life now. I'm 32 and I don't know how to proceed with my life. I can't imagine making decisions about my future without my husband.

The issue is, I still feel married. Am I really? Do I need to learn how to be me instead of a wife? How did this happen to me? Didn't I have an identity?

I'm so lonely, but not for friends and family. I just miss my husband, plain and simple. Can I get over that?

Do I have to say goodbye?

Last night I went to the emergency room because of horrible stomach pain. I'd never felt anything like it before. I dose of morphine and a few tests and the doctors decided that it was just stress. I am not sure I agree with this diagnosis, but if it is correct, what am I doing wrong? I thought I was processing my husband's death in a reasonable way. I've sought help, I exercise, generally eat right, and stay busy. What else could I do?

Do I really have to say goodbye to be ok?